19 · Orson Scott Card’s Gay Razzmatazz

Cover art"In a world where science and engineering rule while magic merely serves, an industrialist aristocrat’s genius heir finds himself drawn to the allure of a novice kitchen-wizard."

Young love blossoms in a world aswirl with conflicts both magical and mundane in an alternate Victorian era where Europe's class system changes under the influx of magical innovations from the flourishing African nations.

All that fancy philosophy aside, a cover like this promises certain salacious same-sex shenanigans, and famed marriage-equality activist O. S. Card's saucy gay romance novel certainly delivers on its promise!

K rates this book a B on the turgidity scale. Khaki crafts some convincing stilts.

Bookmarked passages:
More feathers for Phase Four, red ink protocol, Farscape slash fiction, Alvin Maker: The Sorceror-Slut, award-losing author, penis-equipped danders, David Bowie's ball handling, Chang & Eng, Brian Blessed, non-colonial Victorian era, cantrip parlors and back-alley tech clubs, recharging at the sex-garden, Orson Scott Card has a "type", bilingual street signs, Mormon multilingual WordPerfect, Stirling engines, popular polyandry, wizard unions, seizing the means of conjuration, Chuck Tingle's Brexit allegory, Bloise Idaho, a bit of a shit-bird.

Selected quotes:

"The gay sex does get in the way of the cooking.
– Story of my life, really."

"Whatever comes after post-modernism, that's Chuck Tingle."

"A pre-shaprd tip is pressed into the subject at a pre-set force..."

“It’s like the fluffer of modern technology.”

"can't wait to get into his magic sack!"

"Their eyes 'throbbed' at each other — that was a gross one!"

“And he’s into reciprocation, which I like.”

“So we have cat-fur and glass rods – and a lot of other rods being rubbed here, and a lot of magical power is released in the process!”

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18 · Andre Norton’s Shoshone-Suomi Showdown

Cover artPoor timing abounds, as ancient secrets are accidentally unlocked through clumsy cultural appropriation – just as mankind prepares to abandon wonder forever. 

Rival thunder-god wanna-bes Yan-a-bumfit and Perkele enter the ring: place your bets!

K recites the Rhyme of British Coinage. Khaki tells K about a Space Thing for a change.

Bookmarked passages:
Phase 1, Canadian Bear Man, six-wheeled fennecs, abridged and incomplete novels, Readers' Digest, sorting on the Z-axis, Supermarionation, multicultural wizard shaman, Twitter inconsistencies, rockets are quick, gyroc, Currywurst mit Pommes, Thunderbird VTOL aircraft, SANSA-JAXA collaboration, Kessler syndrome, "mopping with the tap running", Pocatello XVI, Snake People, Plains Sign Talk, Alejandro "Alex" Schomburg y Rosa, coin-op gods, are foreign F-bombs permitted, Isotopes of Old Money, telex-memex internet, fulgerite talisman, beating the drums, multi-tribal vocables

Selected quotes:

"Oh my god, feathers!"

"Like Godzilla tromping around New York with a few bits of human clothing saying 'Ooh look at me, I'm getting a latte macchiato!'"

"I would describe it as a Cobra Cat."

"Let's not google it."
– "Why waste an opportunity for ignorance and maybe a corrective tweet?"

"Kill your loved ones."
– "That's not how that saying goes!"

"It's not head-canon when you write it."

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17 · Jerry Sohl’s Nuclear Neo-Fascist Burning Man

Vampiri della Morte Cover ArtUrania returns! Amid the nuclear fires of post-war fascist Italy two avant-garde music acts vie for dominance over the future of European pop music, making unlikely friends and allies along the way.

Geiger-punks vs X-Ray Anarchists!

K tries to remember "that other vampire writer" and invents "La Bamba No. 5". Khaki needs to get his notes in order, and dwells on his time stuck in the glue traps.

Bookmarked passages:
Halfway between hooloovoo and octarine, was Homer color-blind? (yes), Byzantium, Italian Jack Skellington, simplified geography, Bobina the ghoul-monkey,  wolves are a keystone species, Romanian is like dyslexic Latin, K's cool electric skateboard, podcasts aren't just for hearing folks, Latin is explicit, H. R. Giger-counter,  Redhead from the Marvel Universe, Red Guy from Cow and Chicken, Monarch from Venture Brothers, Killface from Frisky Dingo, Vampirelli, Strix Squadron, Asterix and Obelix in Corsica, Mickey Mouse Gloves.

Selected quotes:

"I'm talking about Geiger, not Giger – the Swiss gross sex-robot artist."

"The cheese? No, the city in Switzerland."

"His body is a zentai with bones painted on it, but his head is an actual skull."

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16 · A Very No-Nipple Era

"City on the Moon" by Murray Leinster
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

City on the Moon Cover ArtIn which: Donald Atticus, an Earth journalist inspecting an absurdly-domed City On The Moon, becomes embroiled in inter-colonial conflict.

But could hehave a secret agenda of his own?

...Yes. yes, he does have a secret agenda you got that, right?

K quotes a Ukrainian colleague. Khaki warms up to Chewborka and invents the word 'hemitorus'. And a rival reviewer writes in!

Bookmarked passages: Display prances, Fallopian and Eustachian tubes, methane-negative, Shackleton, Terry pratchett Stage Script, Potemkin Village, Pripyat and the Woodpecker, Señor Wellingcroft, every prepper's fantasy, Uranium Glass, Guy Noir, Bauhaus vs Rococo, Motorball from Alita, SCUBA regulator, buckminsterfullerine.

"There's no holes in you yet.
– Well, no more than usual."

"And so Bugs Bunny is single-handedly responsible."

"Yes, you can do it like that, if you want to do it stupid."

"I shave, it's in canon."

"He barely understands what’s going on; he’s just game – he doesn’t understand that he’s on Team Baddies"

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15 · Let’s Rod ‘Em

Operation: Damocles by Oscar L. Fellows
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

Operation: Damocles Cover ArtIn which: K is hip with the kids' lingo and teaches Khaki lots of Space Things. Khaki explains his "photographic memory" and forgets the word "photo".

Bookmarked passages: introducing Guinevere, no lasers in space, everything Icarus, the graveyard orbit, useless code names, Fortynite dances, is a jetpack a spacecraft, the secret city of Delaware, Camp Sandyballs, Navajo verb categorization, a three-way fuster-cluck, LSD all over again, agent Patroclus B, not a lot of Sapphic myths, hover-converted C-130, more than tungsten rods, the Gay Belt, Velibraraptor breeding program, a good Greek number 

"No, but the camera person doesn't have to be on the on the moon."

"That's just bad spacemanship, really."

"It's very... how to put it.
– Stupid?
Cinematic. It's very cinematic."

"I'm going to tell Kerbal Space program you don't know that off the top of your head."

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14 · Kicked In The R’s

"The Fourth "R"" by George O. Smith 
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

The Fourth "R" Cover ArtIn which: Rabble-rousing Rodrigo raucously rejects the ruling ranks and rocks out with rebellious renegades to reignite the revolution!

Bookmarked passages: Glue Traps Part II, unused Genie bottles, constructivist art and Farscape, top-seasoning of an Executor Class Star Destroyer, Thinking Cap, Cathar gnostics, Taekwondo.exe, past tense of reading, three languages in a trench goat, George R. R. R. R. Martin, the Fourth Plinth, louder for the people at home, a Good Mind Number

Selected quotes:

"I just have a note that says PIRATES, exclamation mark!"

"I especially liked the lion gentleman with the large..."
—"Assets?"

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13 · Musk Has the Dragon Capsules

"The Secrets of the Martian Moons" by Donald A. Wollheim
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

The Secrets of the Martion Moons Cover ArtIn which: Peerson Starshine has just been pod-jacked and fights for his life among mountains of Space Guano – ah, who are we kidding! In this episode we tell stories about bridges and brides while imagining a parallel universe where our recommendations and reviews are actually accurate. 

K does some excellent foley work. Khaki names a Welsh town.

Bookmarked passages: the Glue Traps of Hubris, Wotherington Lancelot II(I), Sexy Ginger Chris Pine, Nipples Everywhere, Betteridge's Law, Oprah's Shama, $15 Before Bed, Vampiric Space Bats, Callback To Episode 4, Listeners in Wales, Sex Bomb, Llanfair, Venusian Valleys and Spare Soyuz, Mutton Stock and Leek Futures, Laika vs Gelert, Ljubljana vs Virgins, Hard Vodka Wedding, Stop and Over, and Popty Ping.

"À propos, I would give it some lesbian gyros."

"...which is a bad joke and an FDA violation."

"This One Weird Trick that NASA doesn't want you to know about."

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12 · Fish Fingers — Not Flounder Gloves

"Time to Teleport" by Gordon R. Dickson 
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

Time to Teleport Cover ArtIn which: continuity rears its head, and we learn an important lesson from a disgruntled scientist's journey through time and space! Do we learn from our past and work to build a better future or do we pull our chrono-spatial ripcord and nope-out? 

K practices championship-level technobabble. Khaki has too many notes to comprehend, so many notes.

Bookmarked passages: Look out below, Booze Chess, completely ferschnickered, George the Teleport Luddite, so many notes, last week's CRAB adventure, real life time warp, don't snort red ink, fish massacre,  technobabble, English vs American Kitchen Nightmare, 52 minutes, a story from the Koran, French Revolution — whoops, a little Finnish, a middle finger to the author, Team Pamela, holes in the hardwood, two fish out of five loaves, no good number.

"Am I confusing pottery and restaurants again?"

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11 · A Moebius Ring-World

"Multiface" by Mark Adlard 
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

MultifaceIn which: We're getting really good at notes, and wield them like little sticky-yellow shuriken! We learn about Spocking, meow at a lemniscate, give a poor review to a book we haven't read, and immediately feel bad about it. So sorry, mister Adlard.

K swoons over David Tennant cuddling kittens. Khaki has a bad case of Paper Fever and scores 10 points!

Bookmarked passages: Fuck Essential Oils, Fall Out Pip Boy, Art Deco via Art Nouveau via Pop Art, Gleaming like a Chrome Batmobile, Lemnis-cat, Froot by the Foot, In For A Jacuzzi, Counting the wheels, Space Drinks, Tortellini of the Lungs, When Harry Met Sally: the Next Generation, a happy-ending version of Thelma & Louise, a Good Ring Number

"I've been car-adjacent. I have been party to cars."

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10 · Not How You Eat Fugu

"Crabs: the Human Sacrifice" by Guy N. Smith 
Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K

Crabs: the Human SacrificeIn which: the Sea Can't Hold Them, We Can't Stop Them, and They're Here to Kill! But a toxin-resistant trainee sous-chef and a plucky band of unlikely heroes valiantly resist the hordes of vicious decapods. Will they win, or are their clams royally baked? 

K does some suspicious Googling. Khaki learns a recipe for grilled bookworms. 

Bookmarked passages: Khaki the Skywalker, Eco-gnome-ics 101, the Pen is a Mighty Harpoon, the Podcast Segue Award 2019, Gondwanaland Broke up, How to Survive Fugu Poisoning, a Good Crab Number

"The only problem is the Ring of Fire."

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